Rainy days and Antihistamines
I love the rain. I really do. I love everything about it. The mood it creates, the smell, the feel, the regenearation that takes place afterwards... the whole shooting match.
Today is tough. I am slightly under the weather, and then the rain... I am feeling somewhat useless, to be honest. I took an Antihistamine. I am feeling detached and lethargic.
So, it's not where I intended to go, but I also feel as though I have taken a spiritual Antihistamine. Passion is often hard to come by, focus is tough to conjure up, and hopelessness and unworthiness seem to mark my days. There are moments of passion, but they fizzle. Christianity is more than a feeling, but like I said on Sunday, if you leave the presence of Christ depressed, there is something wrong with you. Either you aren't living in the right direction, or you weren't really in the presence.
That's what I want. I want to live in the presence. I want to be always aware that God is here, God is good, God is strong, and God is moving. I want to live them like they are more than cliches. I want to live them like they are the very thing that keeps my heart beating and my lungs inflating and deflating.
I guess in the end, I don't want to feel useless anymore. I want to step out on the ledge, willing to take the plunge if that is what is asked. I want to make a difference. Not grand scheme Billy Graham, fill the stadium type impact, though I will do what the Lord asks, but I am talking one person, you made a difference in me type impact. I want my life to be a testament to the cliche.
posted by moosepastor @ 11:12 AM
3 Comments:
I wish I could be this great encourager, but I often feel like I'm in a deep hole myself. It's not just that I don't feel like God is around- I don't even THINK about Him. I'm not always sure what His presence will do for me, as I sit through a three-hour design class or even just on the computer. Every once in a while I'll have a passing thought, just at some point during the day, and then it's gone, and I don't feel any better. Just...bleh.
But I like rain.
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Aaron & David both... don't let the lie of the feeling make you feel as if you're off the track. Remember grace... when you find your mind has wandered from God... CELEBRATE!! See, when you remember that you forgot, you've remembered again. Right then you are in the presence of God almighty. Confess if you feel you must, but then rejoice in the free outpouring of GRACE! Don't waste a moment of recognition torturing yourself over what has passed. There will be time for that, but for right now, you and I... all three of us, we have to take every moment that comes our way. When we remember, dwell in it. When we forget, remember... and dwell in it.
Seriously, you two mean more to me than I could begin to say. You've both taught me and led me and left these huge gigantic freaking impact craters in my life... I couldn't and wouldn't be who I am where I am without you both.
Whatever you do... don't forget about grace. Don't try to earn it, just try to live it. Feel the love. Go read "What's So Amazing About Grace?" by Phillip Yancey. (you didn't think you were getting out of here without a book referral did you?)
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